Friday, June 08, 2012

The BBC's Diamond Jubilee River Pageant Coverage

The BBC has taken a lot of flack for its coverage of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Thames River Pageant - but was it justified? Let's find out with this transcript of an exert:

Sassi Tweet

Fab, thanks studio, Canaletto was a painter, who knew, I thought it was an ice cream! But wow isn't this great, like, I dunno hundreds of boats are like heading upriver!! I mean look at that!

Blurred shot of rain drops

Sassi Tweet

Look at that one - its really big, goldy and red. 

OMG I am getting soooooo wet! My hair is a mess!!

In the background the Queen's barge passes by

Sassi Tweet

But who cares? I'm an old Glasto hand! So isn't this exciting! Let's talk to some people chosen completely at random.

Cut to family with faces painted with Union Jacks

Sassi Tweet

So are you excited? Do you think this historic?

Family with faces painted with Union Jacks

Yes, we are very excited, its so historic-

Sassi Tweet

Wow, there you go, what real people think!! Ok, back to the pageant thingy!

In the background more boats are going by.

Sassi Tweet

I dunno, do those rowers look fit or what? OMG lets talk clothes - is this dress right or what? It's red, white and blue - geddit!!

In the background more boats are going by, bells are ringing, horns blowing.

Sassi Tweet (finger in ear)

I've been told we've going to listen to some of the music on the barges

Cut to the barge playing Handel's Water Music. After two bars cut to

Sassi Tweet

Wow, that's like classic or something, like really historic, like some of those buildings. They're, you know, like ironic or something.


No I mean iconic, not ironic! Almost messed up there! We'd have to come back again next week!!

But seriously, isn't her Highness the Queen absolutely fabulous!! She's a bit like Madonna - don't you just luv her!!

Ok, now what's going on right now? Lets to turn to our boat expert Tim someone

Tom Cunliffe

Well that's a really interesting boat that's passing now, it was built-

Sassi Tweet

Wow, thanks Tim that was great, thanks, but now lets talk about tomorrow. I'm told that Kylie and Cheryl will both be singing live - I can not wait!!

Puts finger in ear again.

Sassi Tweet

Its been living history here, spectacular, joyous .... er... historic.... er but now its time to go back to the studio to mention Canaletto's picture again!!

What could possibly be wrong with that?


Tillerman said...

Are they going to have the same team doing the commentary of the boating events at the Olympics?

JP said...

I think Buff is hoping to team with Sassi.

O Docker said...

Like most Americans, I follow international news very closely, so I'm surprised to see you being so hard on the Beeb over this Jubilation thing.

It's not like this was a scheduled event they could have planned for.

Covering those flash mob things can be a nightmare of playing catch up all day, especially when there are boats. How DO you tell them apart when they all look the same?

I couldn't figure out why so many resorted to rowing. I know it has something to do with tradition, but is it that British motors are traditionally unreliable?

Tillerman said...

The coverage of that rowing event on Sunday was equally bad on CNN. They, of course, had to use Piers Morgan as the anchor because (a) he's British, (b) he used to work for some trashy British newspaper, (c) he is the Sassi Tweet of American TV.

I thought John Oliver, Senior English Correspondent on The Daily Show did the best job.

Kat said...

(No witty retorts, laughing too much!)